Mental Health Check In

I haven’t talked about mental health publicly in a while and it’s for a couple of reasons. The first is actually pretty wonderful: this is the best I’ve felt mentally in years. I feel like after years of turbulence my life feels settled, stable and full of purpose. That’s not to say there aren’t moments or days when I feel anxious, but in general I feel a sense of “calm” that I haven’t felt in a very long time. Stability and routine helps a lot, having a set schedule every day with weekends off, a workout every day right after work – I had no idea how much that would help my mental health. I go to work every morning excited to do what I love and for the first time in a long time I feel appreciated – It’s been a game changer and sometimes I still can’t believe I’m living out the dream I’ve had for 12 years.

The other reason I haven’t talked a lot about it is because 6 months ago I was in the exact opposite position, easily the worst place mentally I’d been in in years.

Everything about my future I had planned for my personal and professional life were up in the air or just completely gone. I was preparing mentally and financially for the possibility of being unemployed or leaving television, couple that with the person I had been with all of quarantine walking out and I found myself suddenly not eating or sleeping. The nausea & lack of appetite is a pretty standard symptom of my anxiety, but the insomnia was absolutely brutal.

I had one whole week of no sleep and barely eating before the full meltdown settled in, right as I was in the middle of interviewing and being offered my dream job at Fox31. That was the most confusing part of the whole process, I remember angrily asking my therapist why when I was getting the thing I wanted most in this world was as I at my lowest?

She responded with a simple, ‘even good stress is still stress.’ And my body had had enough.

I tried to fight the anxiety with working out every day, twice a day, anything to get out the feeling of fire running through my veins. Being around people usually helped so I filled up my social calendar the best I could through a pandemic that was still dragging on. I would go out every night laughing and drinking with friends or dates until I had to go back home alone. I would fall asleep only to wake up two hours later and lay there, back in my own version of hell. I was constantly lightheaded, shaking and could barely think straight.

If it went on any longer, I knew I was going to end up in a hospital bed.

At this point I wasn’t sure I was going to get through this stretch and finally had a conversation with my doctor and therapist. Both agreed that a full time medication to help me through this life transition would be beneficial and also prescribed a benzo for the nights when I needed a reset.

I had avoided being constantly medicated for so long because I’m extremely sensitive to medication in general (Benadryl makes me unrecognizable, painkillers make me violently sick, I can’t even drink a cup of coffee without the caffeine making me nauseous and shaky.) The one medication that has been helpful is a beta blocker as needed for helping minimize some of the physical symptoms of anxiety, the breathing, the shaking – but these prescriptions were much stronger.

Looking at the orange pill bottles in front of me, I was finally honest with myself. Yes, I was doing all of my coping mechanisms – Working out, being social, reaching out for help, going to more therapy – but the lack of sleep, not eating and drinking every night was canceling out all of the work I was doing and making the anxiety worse. I was finally able to tell my therapist about all the unhealthy habits I hadn’t realized were being so detrimental and we agreed to give the coping mechanisms one more try.

I forced myself to eat, not because I was hungry but because I knew my body needed fuel. I didn’t look at food the way I normally do, it was no longer a happy passion, it was now a necessary part of my day in order to stay healthy and strong. Smoothies were a great way to find a happy medium of forcing food into a stomach that didn’t want anything and making sure I got the nutrients I needed. I used a sleeping medication to help me get a decent night’s sleep and then one of the biggest helps – I started meditating.

Meditating had always been recommended to me for anxiety, but the idea of sitting with my own thoughts sounded more like torture than anything I could imagine. But it was a last resort so I downloaded the Calm app and started the meditation course they had and I was amazed. My big physical symptom from anxiety is shaking and I would start a 10-minute session trembling and after only a few minutes feel my body relax. The breathing exercises I learned came in handy when I was in public and the anxiety took over, I could take a minute to breathe and focus and find some peace. Within a week of eating healthy, sleeping and meditating I was feeling better – not 100% by any means, but I was functioning again.

It wasn’t an immediate fix, it still took months to get through the worst of it. I knew the job transition was going to be a difficult one – I went on air at the beginning of May terrified I may make the ratings drop, that no one would care about me if I switched channels but it didn’t happen – in fact, the amount of support and message I received brought me to tears. Finally, by June I had settled into a routine and my daily anxiety was finally calming down. The routine is a huge part of it, waking up at the same time every day and my schedule not changing every week – I had no idea what a big role that played. I’m also able to work out every day at noon with this schedule, which I’ve learned is a non-negotiable for me. I have to be able to use my body every day to keep my anxiety at manageable levels, especially with the early wake ups.

I didn’t want to talk to publicly about mental health for a while because I felt guilty for doing so terrible while appearing so happy on air and social media, then felt guilty because I was doing well.

Last spring was a reminder that anxiety isn’t just something that comes up every now and then, it’s a diagnosis and will be with me my whole life and it’s about managing it, taking the steps to make sure I’m making healthy decisions on a daily basis.

I feel like a completely different person than I was 6 months ago, a year ago and I couldn’t be more grateful. I feel gratitude while knowing that at some point I’ll have an anxious period again but also armed with the knowlege that this time I have even more tools at my disposal to make it through. I also know that sometimes I may need to take a medication to keep the anxiety at bay and it’s totally fine. As of right now I’m not on a full time anti-anxiety, but that may change if my coping mechanisms ever stop working. I know that major life transitions, break-ups and job changes are big triggers for my anxiety so I can be better prepared for if or when there’s a next time. I learned a lot last spring and while I’m hoping it doesn’t get to that point again, if it does I’ll be ok – no matter how much my body tries to convince me otherwise.

Need Help?

If you’re struggling, please know you’re not alone & there are resources to help. Colorado Crisis Services has a lot of free resources. If you’re looking for a therapist, here is how I’ve found my favorite ones.

Kylie Bearse

Kylie Bearse

When I’m not exploring the trails, I’m a Meteorologist! You can see me every weekday morning on Fox31 KDVR from 4:30-10am! Have a weather question? Don’t hesitate to ask!

Kylie Bearse

Kylie Bearse

When I’m not exploring the trails, I’m a Meteorologist! You can see me every weekday morning on Fox31 KDVR from 4:30-10am! Have a weather question? Don’t hesitate to ask!

Join Kylie On YouTube!

Click HERE to get subscribed and join our YouTube community!

Kylie Bearse

Kylie Bearse

When I’m not exploring the trails, I’m a Meteorologist! You can see me every weekday morning on Fox31 KDVR from 4:30-10am! Have a weather question? Don’t hesitate to ask!

More From Kylie

Weekend in Snowmass, Colorado

Weekend in Snowmass, Colorado

Snowmass is one of my favorite spots in Colorado and every time I go I fall more in love. On the slopes I had one of my best ski days ever (long, spacious runs without the crowds but incredible powder.)  To visit in the summer was an absolute delight. It has all...

Weekend in Frisco, Colorado

Weekend in Frisco, Colorado

I almost hate to tell anyone about Frisco because it's one of my favorite towns in Colorado and I feel like it's a little overlooked by visitors coming in for the resort towns nearby. Located just off I-70 nestled in between the mountains and Lake Dillon, it's the...

What Hiking Boots Should I Wear?

What Hiking Boots Should I Wear?

Finding the right pair of hiking boots can be a challenge. Everyone's feet are different so what works well for one person may not for another. I've worn $400 boots that hurt my feet terribly and $30 outlet boots that I wore until there were literal holes. I...

3 Hikes You Must Do In Maui

3 Hikes You Must Do In Maui

Like everyone who steps foot on the island of Maui, I have absolutely fallen in love. Of course there are the pristine beaches where sea turtles sunbathe, the delicious and impossibly fresh local food but then there's the hiking and like the rest, it's in a league...

Best Road Trips from Denver

Best Road Trips from Denver

1. Southwestern ColoradoFrom Crested Butte to the Black Canyon then rounding off the trip with a stay in Ouray and Telluride, southwestern Colorado is an absolute must visit! Must hike: Black Canyon of GunnisonOuray Perimeter Trail We did a mix of camping and Air...

Weekend in Colorado Springs

Weekend in Colorado Springs

I haven't spent any substantial time in Colorado Springs in years, so I was so delighted to take a weekend and totally relax in this very beautiful part of our state. I hadn't explored Garden of the Gods since college but it's as beauitful as ever. However, my very...

Wine & Wildflower Hike

Wine & Wildflower Hike

This was my first year at the Vail Wine Classic and it was an absolute blast. As expected, the wine was exceptional and getting to meet the people behind the wine made it all the more special. But maybe the best part was the Wine & Wildflower hike! I'm going to...